Vipers

This Sunday we are getting together and watching the oscar snubbed Vipers. This movie is Tara Reid’s comeback movie. This movie looks like a quality that will bring her career back the same way Swordfish brought back Jon Travolta’s career.

Stay tuned- our reviews will be up this week

Synopsis:

A team of scientists is using venomous snakes in their quest to develop a cure for cancer. When the medical lab is broken into, the genetically altered vipersare unleashed on the helpless population. A rapidly dwindling number of survivors, trapped on a nearby island, hole up in a hotel in a last-ditch attempt to escape the bloodthirsty serpents. Tara Reid, Jonathan Scarfe, Corbin Bernsen and Jessica Steen star in this skin-crawling chiller.

Dave’s Review: Vipers

Unlike our last outing this film went straight to the action!  We have all sorts of plots and subplots. Genetically engineered beasts? check. Government conspiracy? check.  A secluded island with no cell reception? check and check! Basically it has all the ear marks of a great movie.

Once again the movie takes place in the Pacific Northwest (I swear we just picked it at random) on what I assume are the secluded San Juan Islands. Nicky Swift (Tara Reid) is the islands resident scientist/snake expert/marijuana farmer. As silly as it sounds she is by far the most interesting character. The rest of the cast include town cop, whiney teenager, dumb blonde with big tits, and a streetwise tough guy from NY. Generic to say the least, but not terrible.

After the Vipers escape their government lab we really get to see what makes them so special. Not only do they attack in groups, but they actually bite out chunks of flesh as they kill and can consume the entire body leaving no trace! Awesomeness. My favorite Viper kill came early when the sneaky serpents interrupted a couple on their honeymoon mid coitus. How they got in the tent is still a mystery, but they ate everything except the engagement ring. While I enjoyed the yin and yang of using both fire extinguishers and a flamethrower to combat the snakes, the best kill came when Mr. New York saved a fallen Nicky Swift by throwing his hunting knife and impaling a viper right through its open mouth!

Some parts of the movie dragged a bit as they tried to inject some feelings into the plot. It is also apparently impossible for Tara Reid to convey more than one emotion. Overall this was a fun outing that earns Vipers 3 1/2 Party Girls out of 5

Mamos Review: Vipers

What I learned from this movie:

As Dave stated above in his review. Our second movie is again in the beautiful Pacific Northwest.
This brings me to what I learned from this movie: Washington State has the most monsters, zombies, and genetically mutated animals in the United States.

Review:
After the zombie movie of last week we decided to try out a creature feature. This amazing piece of cinema takes us again to an island in the state of Washington. I used to want to move to an island, with beautiful views, water on every side, and a slow peaceful life. I now know that living on an island would lead to either death by zombie or I would be eaten by super snakes.

This movie again had a good amount of deaths and had a good amount of gore and ridiculous. Unfortunately I do not think anyone told the director he as directing a monster movie and not Shaw shank. Every 10 minutes (between snakes eating unsuspecting islanders) had a monologue by one of the characters about tough times in their life- the tough life in the marines, dumping a man she loved, or parents that asked for forgiveness from their child for screwing up some how. Each of these scenes even had a musical score behind it to try to add emotion and show the acting chops of the actors… but sadly, the snakes killed the acting ability before it got to the characters.

Best Monster Kill: I never knew Vipers eat their victims in the same way a tiger or a bear would, but apparently they do. Best kill would be after the Vipers poison their victim and then they swarm and start eating them. I’ve never seen this in a movie before (and I’ve seen many a creature feature) but I loved it.

Best Scene:
Every scene was a amazing when it didn’t have Tara Reid in it.

It was funny- and would make a great drinking game- to see how many scenes between two characters would end with Tara Reid coming into the scene to add her monotone opinion on what they are talking about. I know I am asking a lot from a woman that stared in Hitched and My Boss’s Daughter, but she was in The Big Lebowski.

They might look scary here, but they strike in CGI

Rating:
Sadly, I will have to disagree with Dave on his rating. Dave is more of a creature feature guy while I am more of a zombie apocalypse fan. As you can see from the ratings of our first two movies.

I also always have a hard time when the monsters are all CGI.Vipers did a decent job with the CGI for a tv movie, but… they are still CGI snakes.

1/5 My Boss’s Daughter DVDs

Dan’s Review: Vipers

So I’m a little late in reviewing our latest movie, but then again you need some time to fully process a film like Vipers.  As Dave and Mamos have mentioned, Vipers is a star vehicle for the illustrious Tara Reid. While, it didn’t co-star her mangled nipples, her wooden acting was indeed on full display.

Unlike our last film, the action picked up right from the start when an experiment at a science facility that was mutating vipers to cure cancer (makes perfect sense) goes horribly wrong.  Within the next 10 minutes we get a gratuitous sex scene and at least two more Viper maulings.  Now that’s what I call an inciting incident!

From there we meet our cast of characters, Reid’s Nicky Swift a tough no-nonsense pot grower that enjoys wearing beanies, a young doctor who fought in Iraq, a bratty teenager who gets in trouble for getting high with Tara Reid (as Fresh Prince once said, parents just don’t understand), some old guy, um i think there was a blonde dude…really, who cares; the vipers are the star of this film, and there are plenty of them (seriously, they started with like 6; these things must screw like bunnies).

From there we get a slew of viper kills.  While lacking a bit in variety, they make up for in quantity.  The film gets a bit muddled down by the insistence of including a plot (I think Reid was banging the Dr.’s buddy who died in the war?), but it’s basically wall-to-wall viper action.

This was a nice bounce-back film, and if they had killed off the teenage girl I might have bumped it up to 4 stars.  As it stands, Vipers gets a solid 3 self-entitled teenage girls out of 5.